So what does a person do when she comes home from a long, happy day, and checks her e-mail, and checks her bank account, and checks Facebook, and then looks at weather.com, and sees a headline that says "Man Forced to Eat Cocaine From Brother's Butt, Dies?" What, I ask you?
And I was all like, WTF, so I typed "Man Forced to Eat Cocaine From Brother's Butt, Dies" and found this article:
A South Carolina man's brother died after police said he was forced to eat cocaine hidden in his brother's backside.
Both brothers were taken into custody on allegations they had drugs in their car.
But police told Charleston, S.C., TV station WCIV there were additional drugs hidden in 23-year-old Deangelo Mitchell's backside.
Officers said Deangelo Mitchell convinced his brother, 20-year-old Wayne Mitchell, to swallow the ounce of cocaine to hide the evidence. He died soon afterward.
"It's sickening," North Charleston Police Chief Jon Zumalt told WCIV. "I got upset when I saw the thing. I was pretty shocked on it."
Deangelo Mitchell already bonded out of jail on the drug charge, but now police are looking for him again on charges of involuntary manslaughter.
Seriously? So then I'm on CNN and damned if I don't run across this:
A man suspected in a series of buttock slashings in Fairfax, Virginia, has been captured in Peru, authorities said.
Johnny D. Guillen, known as the "Corta Nalgas" -- or "butt cutter" -- was captured Friday in Lima, according to Jair Quedas, system operator for Interpol Peru.
Authorities in the United States were looking for Guillen for allegedly cutting the buttocks of 13 young women, according to America Noticias, Peruvian local television.
Wow. Just wow.